A young man went to seek advice from his old uncle, who has
been happily married for fifty five years.
“Uncle, what does it take to be a good husband?
“It takes a lot to be a good husband, my son. A man who does
not know how to be a good husband should not get married nowadays when no man
succeeds in marriage without the support of his wife.
“The rules of marriage have changed drastically. In the olden days, marriage was not based on
love and mutual respect. Men who could
afford it, took as many wives as they pleased only to lord it over them, to
work the farms and cook and take care of the children they make them bear,”
said the old man
His wife of fifty five years, who was by his side made a face
and said, “Ah, you are right, my dear. But even now nothing has change in the
way men think. Men still want to marry wives,
who will do their bidding without question. But it was long long time ago that husbands
were lords over their wives, not so nowadays.
Things are no longer as they used to be for men. I wish I was born later than earlier.
“Ha, my wife, but I never took advantage of you.”
“I know, yet there are lots of things women do today that I
could not do. Funny enough, even though modern women demand to build their
families based on mutual respect and love between them and their husbands, and
there is usually no lack of advices in this regard from members of both the
bride’s and bridegroom’s families, how to be a good husband remains a big
problem for most men, because they are usually deficient in knowledge of marriage
principles. Most men still find it difficult to understand
that, today, cooperation is the vehicle that drives a marriage smoothly till
death do a couple part,” said the old woman.
The old man looked at the young man and said. “Son, you must
be mindful of the traditional impressions that make men feel that, being the
heads of their households, they are Lords over their wives, whom they believe
should be at their beck and call. Because, in their understanding of husband
and wife relationship, wives are nothing more than personal assistants to whom
husbands’ words and wishes are inviolable.
“Today, Women are not as docile as women of yesteryears: 17th, 18th and 19th
centuries ago. Female education has lead
to higher expectations of equality and cooperation between husbands and
wives. Any man who overlooks this fact
is most likely to be unhappy, and runs the risk of being sent away from his own
home. A woman can be very loving, yet
her wrath can cause irreversible damage.
“Nowadays, a wife will most likely demand equal love and respect. She will expect you to continue those things
you did to curry her love when you were wooing her; and if you fail she will
begin to regret her decision to marry you, and her attitude and actions will
cause you a lot of trouble. A protesting
wife is a torn in her husband’s flesh.
“Disharmony in any marriage sets the stage for an unhappy
married life, which eventually leads to divorce and a destroyed home. Getting
married is the easy part of the drama script called marriage; the difficult
part of the script is the day to day living together.
“My experience is that when a son informs his family that he
wants to get married, attention is focused on the girl he wants to marry. The intended husband’s family’s interest is
usually on whether the girl is a good material for marriage or not, they do not
consider their son’s character and ability to handle marriage with a stranger,
who had a different upbringing, and expectations from an intended husband.
“How much he knows about how to be a good husband is usually
not clear to his family. And when advice
is given to him on how to run his own home, it is usually: You
must be the head of your home, do not let your wife ride you; do not show her
too much love. You must be a man.
“Ironically, his mother would champion this negative advice
that sets the man up against his intended bride. This makes him believe that she would have
no say in his house, her own home following their marriage.
“Successful families are those families in which both husband
and wife share love and mutual respect. Harmony
will exist in your marriage if you can sincerely answer yes to the following
questions:
—Can you, once in a while, cook for your wife?
—Can you, take care of the kids, when she is busy?
—Can you, sometimes, join her in the kitchen and wash the
dishes while she does the cooking?
—Will you continue to take her out, even with your kids, as
you did when you were wooing her?
—Will you always go back home early for her, and if for any
reason you must be late, will you inform her of your whereabouts?
—Will you refrain from scolding her in public or before her
children?
—And if she is offended by you, can you say: I am sorry?
—Will you be faithful to her?
“To how many of those questions were you not comfortable to
answer yes, my son?” the old man asked the young man.
“I answered yes to all your questions.”
The old man smiled. “That is very good, but those are not all
it would take to be a good husband. You
have to also do as follows:
“Always exhibit welcoming smiles, be agreeable and unassuming
to your wife; it is a huge blessing from above if your wife sees you as a
friend and enjoys your company. So try
to come back to her early enough to eat dinner together.
“Share all the ups and downs of your struggle in life with
her. And if you find that she is not
happy, gently make her tell you what the matter is, and console her. A feeling
of sympathy is a good way to show love.
“If both of you work, do not recline on the sofa and demand
dinner, disregarding the fact that she is as exhausted as you are. Give her a helping hand in the mornings and
in the evenings, she is one with you. Be friendly with your wife, it is very important
for harmony to exist in your marriage.
“Be supportive of your wife: Everyone needs support from
wherever they can get it. Your wife requires
support from you as her husband. She
expects you to be the first in line to support her, she expects you to always
be available when she needs you.
“Support is not usually only in terms of finance. Moral
support is very necessary to get her up and doing when her spirit is low. Do not show her irritation when she demands
your support, for it is harmful to her ego and belittles her. For instance, if
your wife works, pressure from her work place could follow her home; try to understand
her problems, and console her, for you are her closest person.
“Whenever she merits commendation, be proud of her accomplishments
and compliment her. Life is not a smooth
journey for anyone, including your wife, so whenever she needs a shoulder to
shed her tears, be there for her and make it very clear to her that you feel
what she feels.
“Do not make excuses for staying apart without contact, now
that the mobile phone is in everyone’s hands. Keep in touch, even a few seconds of I wanted to hear your voice is endearing. During the weekend when you are not at
work, stay close to your wife and share domestic work together.
“Refuse to argue with her.
If you disagree with her, keep a smile on while giving her your reasons
for not seeing it her way. Never for any
reason humiliate your wife, whether privately or in public.
“Respect the Vows: Faithfulness and loyalty are prime qualities
a wife requires in her husband. Have a sense of honor and duty. Remember that
when you got married you took sacred vows. The honorable thing is to fulfill
the duties you took upon yourself the day you got married to her. It is the
duty of a man to provide for his family. Never expect your wife to contribute
to the smooth running of the household.
“Never assume that the money you earn is yours to do with as
you like. You have a wife and, maybe, children to care for. Their needs must always come before your own.
“My son, your wife will love you and care for you, if you are
faithful to the above ten golden injunctions.”
The young man said, almost to himself, “It is quite hard to be
a good husband,” and then looked squarely at the old man. “But sir, what is the
guarantee that a wife will be good even if her husband is faithful to the ten
injunctions?”
“My son,” said the old man, “you can do all those ten golden
injunctions, because if I did it, you can do it. And I believe that if a good woman
enjoys the ten injunctions I have given you, she will love her husband and do
her part to make her marriage successful.
So I pray that you find a good woman, a family builder, whom you will love
and cherish as I have loved and cherished my wife for fifty five years, without
regrets.”
End
No comments:
Post a Comment